If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
