it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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