hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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