I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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