The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
