Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
We have started to decorate penises.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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