in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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