lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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