she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
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mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
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Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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