Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
