On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
