It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
