just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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