That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
