The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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