My hand turned me down
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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