She tied me up with her honor cords...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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