Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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