i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
