At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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