you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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