you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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