a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
