I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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