I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
