my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
