My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
