if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize