I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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