you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Vodka?
Forever.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
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