remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
