i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
