Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
