i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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