WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
