He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
