there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
