i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
