yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
There r osticjed everywhere
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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