they need to just BURY HIM!
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
