The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
