whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
