He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
