i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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