and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
sex in a hospital.. check
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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