dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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