I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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