My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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