I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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