I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
