member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
