How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
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What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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