i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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