And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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