You really coming over, don't trick.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
