maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
