Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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