I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
The maid of honor just puked.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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