Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
