Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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