if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
